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First off, let me just say that global warming sucks. It's a rather bleak thing to face, and hopefully we'll find a way to counter it in the near future.
With that out of the way, I'm rather tired of people complaining about it and doing nothing about it. Everyone complains about electricity, cars, and other such things. They whine that people aren't willing to give it up, yet they still use them. I do not fault them for using these things. I do, I freely admit it, and I freely admit I'm not giving them up any time soon. Those who know me know that I live a half hour's drive away from the nearest city, and not by choice. Thus, I'm certainly not giving up going places by car. As for electricity, I love video games, the internet, and some shows and such. Isolated as I am, that's the only entertainment I get, and the only way I have to keep in touch with friends.
So where do I stand on the issue? Am I some hypocritical dragon that hates global warming but thinks nothing should be done? Far from it. I'm just not in a position where I can really do anything. If cleaner energy sources were there, I'd use them. If cleaner fuel was there, I'd use it. There is also the matter of making it all affordable, as my family is not exactly the most affluent. The trouble, as I see it, is that the people who ARE in power do little more than whine and complain. People are however researching these things. People are looking into wind and solar energy. The trouble with them is that both can be adversely affected by weather. Hopefully a more reliable renewable energy source will be found, and will be able to be made widely available. People are also researching ethanol as a cleaner fuel. I'd really like to see this become a reality. Until it does, though, and until it's all made affordable, there's nothing really I can do beyond recycling, which I do.
So what am I trying to say here? Unless you have a true, viable solution, give the complaints a rest. Unless you're actively out to solve the problem, all you're doing is amusing the people who don't care and making the people who do care feel bad that they can't do more. Venting your opinion is one thing, but blame the people who can do things but aren't, not the ones who do everything they can, but can't do much.
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Friday, February 16th, 2007
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It always amuses me when Catholic leaders criticize others and try to claim the moral high ground in matters of sex. They call homosexuals evil and claim anyone trying to supply people with condoms, as they did in New York for Valentines Day, is promoting promiscuity and destroying the fabric of our society. Yet with all this moral energy behind them, they never can seem to control what their own priests do, can they? Even the promiscuous people out there, they're having sex with willing partners. The same goes for homosexuals. The priests on the other hand are boffing little boys. I find it interesting that it's never the church that actually does anything about that. They'll do everything they can to hide it and quiet the victims. There are church documents out there that actually say flat out that such matters are to be kept secret. I find it quite interesting indeed that such behavior seems to be not only tolerated, but even condoned by the Catholic leaders, and yet when people practice safe, willing sex with multiple partners, or when someone outside the church enjoys safe, willing sex with another of the same gender, that is evil, sinful, and morally wrong. It seems to me that the Catholics need to get their own act together before they go judging others.
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Sunday, February 4th, 2007
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The above was a name from some show that was on VH1, but it seemed a fitting title for this entry.
The Pope has started war on euthanasia. This is one of those situations where the views of religion refuse to change with the times. He has quoted before that life must be allowed to reach "its natural end." In older days, fine. If someone had a terminal illness, they'd just be allowed to die. These days, however, the "natural" part is taken right out of it. We'll hook these people up to machines that keep them in a state of existance for a long time. Yet if the person has enough coherence to say they want to die, they aren't allowed to, as their life hasn't reached its "natural end." Isn't it interesting though that they would have been permitted to die if it weren't for those unnatural machines?
Quite frankly, I don't see what the problem is with euthanasia. Okay, so life is precious. Does that mean that this person is supposed to relish his prolonged suffering? My feeling on it is that a person's life is the last thing they truly own. You have to pay taxes on your land, your property, pretty much everything else. However, your life is truly yours. If you decide you don't want it anymore, that's your business. For these religious zealots to say that you have to stay alive whether you want to or not, whether you're healthy or not, even if you can't do anything but stay in bed and breath shallowly, you must relish that life, it strikes me as incredibly pompous.
There's a distinction that has to be made. There's a difference between living and existing. Being paralyzed to the point where you can't get out of bed, can't do anything, and have to rely on others to pick you up and walk you to the bathroom and into the shower? That's existing. That isn't living at all. Were I ever to be trapped in such a state, I wouldn't want to live. I wouldn't want to be that sort of burden on anyone. Beyond that, I live through my art. I enjoy playing games, going out and doing things. To be unable to live that life anymore... I wouldn't want that existance. If there's a definitive way I could get better, fine, but if not, pull the bloody plug.
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Friday, January 12th, 2007
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I really should get in the habit of updating this thing more often...
Recently, my site was mentioned by the wonderful people of 2 Sense. As such, I've finally started getting some traffic to Dragonsoft Studios! Quite nice, that. I've already gotten four inquiries about commisions, so hopefully this is a step in the right direction.
In other news, I've been playing Samurai Warriors 2. It is quite a fun game, one I've been wanting ever since it came out. Today I finished unlocking all the playable characters, though I still have a lot of stories to finish and a lot of weapons to collect. Ahh, obsessive collecting fun.... happy dragon.
We've also seen the "new" war strategy for Iraq from our oh-so-wise leader. Am I missing something? How is sending more troops a new strategy? Isn't that the course we've been staying that has failed time and time again? Well, at this rate, all I can say is I'm glad I'm almost 26. Just a few weeks to go.
Well, may everyone's 2007 be a good year full of happiness and pleasure. I'm off to get back to drawing!
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Thursday, September 7th, 2006
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And now, I give you a few thoughts on random current events.
Pluto : I officially give a big "screw you" to the astronomy organization that decided Pluto isn't a planet anymore. For my entire life, it's been nine planets, and it will continue to be so. Adding to this stubbornness is the fact that they now call it a "dwarf planet." If a cell phone is still a phone, and a raincoat is still a coat, then logic dictates that a dwarf planet is still a planet. I'm not going to unlearn something just because you want to give something a same-but-different name.
9/11 : Well, we're coming up on the anniversary of the attacks, and frankly, I don't care. I didn't lose anyone in the attacks, but even if I did, I still wouldn't particularly drop everything to mourn anew one day a year. Add to that the fact that 9/11 has become one of the biggest money-making opportunities ever. To the people that might say that I'm being cold about this, and that it isn't a commercial thing, I direct you to advertisements for an incredibly gaudy coin, made from metals recovered from the supposedly sacred and not-to-be-disturbed Ground Zero, that features a silver image of the Twin Towers that can be flipped out and stood up like an image in a pop-up book. Stop selling those, the car flags, books, and movies, treat it as the tragic (but over) event it was, and maybe I'll take you all seriously. I in no way mean to say that it wasn't a tragedy, but it wasn't the be-all end-all human tragedy people seem to think it was. Does the term Hiroshima mean anything to you?
Katrina : Here's another thing we can't seem to just get over. A lot of people, however, are largely criticizing the mayor of New Orleans. He was asked why the city isn't cleaned up yet. He basically said that if New York can't clean up a hole in the ground in five years, how was he supposed to clean up an entire city in one year. I however think this is a very valid point. People say "Oh, but Ground Zero is sacred ground!" Interesting that God didn't seem to care about it while there were two big buildings and thousands of people there, but I digress. If we're strictly talking cleanup of the area, New York just lost a couple of buildings. New Orleans lost.... well, New Orleans. Expecting them to clean up the entire city in one year with no outside help when New York still has a pile of rubble there where the buildings were five years ago is ridiculous. As for Katrina itself though, again, get over it. Florida was struck by four or five hurricanes that year. Where are all the charities for them?
Steve Irwin : I am a fur. Oddly, I seem to be one of the few that saw Steve Irwin for what he was : a genuinely likeable person who went out of his way to get the word out about wildlife, doing everything he could for animals. Some of the callous treatment I've seen on the subject is truly deplorable. So many people seem to have the flawed idea that Steve went out of his way to provoke and exploit animals, and nothing could be further from the truth. If an animal was aggrivated, he made sure to carefully put them where they were and leave them alone. He never hurt animals, hated to see them hurt, and did everything he could to make sure that idiots who truly DIDN'T know how to handle animals would leave them alone. To those who think he provoked the stingray, that would have been a good trick, considering he was at the surface, snorkeling, and thus probably didn't even SEE the stingray. Farewell, Steve Irwin. You will be missed.
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I've been thinking a lot lately about the idea of heaven. It's interesting how many different perspectives there are on it, and for that matter, how subjective it can be.
I was listening to old episodes of 2 Sense, an internet radio show once produced by a commedian in the fur fandom. The subject of heaven came up, and the idea was oft repeated that heaven cannot be perfect, as you cannot know the good things without experiencing the bad. However, I am doubtful of this. Heaven is supposed to be paradise, a reward from the suffering of life. I find it laughable to think that, after the pain and loss one suffers through the normal course of life, one would suddenly forget what that is like in the afterlife. Frankly, a lifetime of dissapoinment, loss, and not getting what you want would be plenty to make me appreciate paradise.
It was mentioned that there was a Twilight Zone episode in which someone died and was taken to a room, where he was given everything he could possibly want. Anything he wished for came true. And evidently, upon realizing this, he knew he was in hell, just because there was no challenge in things anymore. Isn't that what life is for? I mean, seriously, would you really want to still work a 9 to 5 job in the afterlife after a life of slaving away for a company? The afterlife is time to relax.
Then there's the subjectivity of the whole thing. Light and dark, yin and yang, good and evil, heaven and hell, it's all in the eyes of the beholder. Nice people can be condemned to hell just for being gay, whereas total pricks like the one that blamed me for my grandmother's death are guaranteed a place in heaven. Frankly, I am doubtful there is one true heaven or one true hell. I think in the end it's whatever you make of it, a sort of personalized paradise. What one person may consider paradise, another might see as hell. For example, I know I would hate spending eternity surrounded by closed-minded religious zealots. I'd far rather be around open minded people who use their imaginations and free will.
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Wednesday, March 15th, 2006
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I try to avoid angst, I really do. Sometimes though, I just have to let a bit fly though. Please take the following with a grain of salt.
I'm forced to wonder sometimes if I really matter to friends. Normally, I'd just attribute it to my usual paranoia and insecurities, but today started with a somewhat troubling incident.
Today, I was left home by myself while my family went to the doctor with my uncle. I decided I'd call a friend of mine to see how he was doing, and see if perhaps I could visit soon, hang out and play games. I had been worried about this friend, as I hadn't heard from him since last December, a point at which he said he'd get in touch with me soon.
So I get in touch with him. Turns out he's moved, and his old e-mail address expired. Yet he told me nothing of this, so I've been e-mailing an empty box all this time and wanting to visit a friend that wasn't even in the area anymore. Might have been kinda nice to know this earlier.
If not for this, I probably wouldn't have thought much about it. But I consider myself as really only having four good friends, one being the aforementioned. As for the other three, I rarely hear from two of them, as they are often quite busy and move a lot, and the other, while generally an excellent friend, does tend to throw himself into online gaming sometimes. Not annoying in itself, but his connection sometimes plays havoc with him and he's forced to use dialup, which means he can't go on those games. Lately however, he tends to stress a lot, and thus during these times, instead of really talking with me much, he just tends to vent about his connection until it is restored, and then goes back to gaming.
In the end, I don't really blame any of them. I know they're all busy with their lives, and have far more important things going on. It probably just hits me more since I'm trapped here and have like nothing going on to distract me. So like the title said, take all this with a grain of salt, I just needed to vent somewhere.
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Monday, December 26th, 2005
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Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone, well, a day late anyway. A busy day for me, so I couldn't post, and didn't have anything particular to say at the time, though now I do. Last night, a friend wished me a very hesitant "Happy Holidays." Evidently, he had done so earlier with someone who turned out not to celebrate anything, and they got upset about it. This got me to thinking about the whole mess that seems to have come to a head this year.
Now for those who follow my journal, it's no secret that religion is not a comfortable subject for me. When I was younger, still in junior high, my grandmother passed away. She was the only person on my father's side of the family that I really got along with. She was a nice, kind woman, very even tempered. My grandfather was an angry racist, my cousins both seem to be competing for white trash of the year, my aunt on that side is a doormat, and her husband has one of those "came with the office furniture" personalities. He's there, but that's about all you can say about him, he isn't that memorable. And then there's my father, who decided to lie to me about who I was named after, and never came clean, something I can't forgive him for. This said, my grandmother's passing was a blow to me, as I liked her. A little before then, I had actually been going to church. A "friend" at school had invited me there, and I decided I'd see what it was all about. So I went for awhile, and never really felt love or spirituality there, just a bunch of people trying to buy their way into heaven and not even caring about the person next to them. When school started up again, I had to leave, as I was in a lot of honor classes, and needed time to do homework and study and such. Thus, I didn't have time for church. My grandmother died that November. I was of course upset the next day at school. When my "friend" asked me why, I told them. They had the nerve to tell me that it was my fault she died, just because I wasn't worshiping his petty, vengeful god in a specific building. He thus decided in his infinite wisdom to kill my grandmother I guess. Since that day, I renounced Christianity, have never spoken to that "friend," and have classified myself as a Deist. I do believe there is a higher power, but I don't think any organized religion has gotten it right yet.
With all this having gone on, I'm all for seperation of church and state. I absolutely HATE having someone else's religion crammed down my throat, especially when it's government-sponsored. I hate Blue Laws, which were put in effect to keep people home on the sabbath, and don't even tell me there's a non-religious reason to ban gay marriage. The whole "defense of family" thing is bull. However, there are limits. The militants at war over "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays" are ridiculous to me. Either way, lighten up! Both are messages of peace, love, and well-wishing. Wishing someone a Merry Christmas is NOT trying to force religion down your throat, it's simply saying "this is a day I celebrate, and I hope you have a happy day as well." Saying Happy Holidays instead is NOT trying to remove Christ from Christmas, it's saying "there are a lot of holidays in this season, and whatever you celebrate, I hope it's happy." Get over it, everyone. The season is about love for each other, caring, peace, and yet so many battles start over crap like this.
Another point is the whole topic of "removing Christ from Christmas." I look at other journals sometimes, and 2 the Ranting Gryphon did have a good point. It's interesting how up in arms Christians get about removing Christ from Christmas, when they seem to make a point of removing gods from everyone else's holidays. Yule, Sam Hein, the Solstices... These were all signifigant spiritual holidays for others. Christians, however, stole these holidays and rewrote them to remove any non-Christian beliefs from them. As for Christmas, it is interesting how it's supposed to be about the birth of the Christ child, and yet he was born in the spring...
To me, Christmas has never been about religion. For me, it's always just been a day to get together with family and loved ones, show your love and appreciation for each other, have a good time and be happy. So whether you want to wish me a Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays, I'm fine with either one. To the people who get offended one way or the other, give it a rest. There's enough ill will in the world these days. During the holidays, take a break.
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Tuesday, November 8th, 2005
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Well, not that it's particularly surprising, but Texas in its infinite wisdom has decided to constitutionally ban same gender unions. Heaven forbid these people be allowed the rights everyone else has. It always amazes me the way they word these things. They're doing it in defense of marriage and family. A child deserves both a mom and a dad. Marriage is a sacred thing.
1) How does allowing two males or two males who love each other the same as a male and a female to marry destroy the institution? Does it keep heterosexuals from marrying and retaining the same benefits they've always had? No. It simply grants these rights to people who should be just as able to have them as anyone else.
2) It's interesting that the people yelling that a child needs both a mom and dad don't strike against single parents. Instead, they single out same gender couples. Thus, one can only gather that gender to them is the defining characteristic of a mother or father, not ability. So what if you're a drunk, abusive man. You have a penis, surely that means you're a good father! And you, you have a vagina! Why that means you must be a good mother, nevermind the fact that you ignore your kids! I have news for you. Having the traditional equipment does not make you a good parent, either way. My father was indeed equipped as a male, and that didn't make him a good father to me.
3) If marriage is so sacred, why isn't anyone complaining about the incredibly high divorce rate in this country? Why haven't there been moves to ban the quickie marriages of Las Vegas? Why haven't there been strikes against reality TV shows that marry people that have never even met each other?
In short, it's all another example of people being bigots, but not wanting to own up to that being the reason they're doing things.
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Wednesday, October 12th, 2005
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At long last, things seem to be back to normal for the most part. We've got our power back! The dragon lives again!
It's interesting the things I've noticed during this time. Two stand out the most to me.
1) In a disaster situation, you can only rely on yourself. Sure, they say FEMA and the Red Cross are there to help you, but we got screwed by both because, as they actually said, "You weren't like those poor people in Katrina." Gee, sorry, I kinda thought we went through a hurricane too. Yeah, we may not have had the expenses of evacuating, nor damages to our house, thankfully. That doesn't mean we don't need financial assistance. Buying all those non-perishable groceries and gas for the generator was expensive too.
2) Religious zealots are idiots. It didn't take long for some moron to come on the news and say that the hurricanes are God's punishment for sins and wickedness. At first, this just amplified my view of the basic Christian God as a mean kid with a magnifying glass, and we're the anthill. But then I got to thinking. These hurricanes have been hitting the bible belt. Not only that, but from my trips to get supplies and such, it seemed like the most hit targets were churches. If anything, I'd be tempted to take this as a sign that God isn't happy with the way people like that are worshipping him, and what they say he's doing. Kinda interesting to think about.
But anyway, 20 days done, power is back, and I'm a happy dragon. Yay!
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Monday, October 3rd, 2005
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Well, here we are on day 11 of the Rita-borne powerout. Natch this thing had to coincide with record high temperatures here :P
Anyway, we're still on generator power and I'm having to use my aunt's computer for my internet needs, so I'll make this a fairly brief entry.
First off, thanks to whoever the moron was in my last post who decided to make my friends think I was dead, I've decided to ban anonymous posting on my journal. This is effective now, at least if I did it right. This way, if anyone tries something dumb like that again, they'll have to leave their name.
Now on to happier news. Despite reports that we wouldn't be getting mail service here until November due to the storm, we actually got delivery today! This could be very good news as far as things getting back on track around here. Even better news, current projections show that the three cities that border my home area are all supposed to be getting power back this week. As such, one would logically deduce that this would mean we'll have power back as well. Ah, to have a return to air conditioning and running water...
Well, I suppose that's about it for now. Once power is restored, I'll be back to my air conditioned, drawing, game-obsessed self, though I'll also probably try to get some work done on officially getting a website online. See you when the power's back!
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Thursday, September 22nd, 2005
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I know among my friends, there has been concern for my well-being due to the erratic nature of Rita. However, please, do not worry so much. We're surrounded by plenty of trees here, one good thing about isolated life in the boonies. It should break up the wind rather nicely. We're also far, far away from the predicted tidal surge, we aren't that close to the coast, and at most we're probably going to just get tropical storm weather. If you don't see me online for a few days, please, do not automatically assume the worst. It probably just means our power went out. That is one thing that sucks about living in the boonies: if the area's power goes down, we tend to be among the last few to get it restored. We did have an ice storm years ago that knocked out the power grid, we went a full week without power. So please, don't worry, don't let it spoil your fun and your lives. Just know I'm probably going to be fine, and thank you all for your concern.
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Friday, September 16th, 2005
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Well, as a gamer, I suppose I'm obligated to comment on the newly-revealed controller for the Nintendo Revolution...
Like most people, I immediately have a complete and total "wtf" reaction to this. I can't see it simplifying any sort of control scheme, and in fact see it as overly complicating the matter. The thought of, for example, having to try moving the stick with one hand while waving the other hand around to try to look around and lock onto an enemy.... it doesn't bode well with me.
My friend mentioned a way of using it, as an example, to control how far Link throws a bomb. To him, it all sounded very simple, but to me, it sounded more like taking something I never had a problem with and adding a Rube Goldberg-ian touch. All that's missing is large gears, conveyer belts driven by mice, and scissor-extending gloves. Oh, and a match on a spring to light the bomb.
Also mentioned was the fact that it can supposedly be used like a sword for sword fighting. For experience on this, I point to a katana controller I believe was developed specifically for... hmm... it was either Ninja Gaiden or some fighting game I don't remember the name of... anyone that can fill this in?... The point is this is a controller that was SPECIFIC to that game, and yet it still sucked, wasn't very responsive, and got you killed a lot on an already tricky game. The Revolution one meanwhile is supposed to be for ALL games. Imagine if you will using the DDR dance pad or the Dreamcast's fishing controller to play Resident Evil... Yeah.
Now, I will admit that I have been wrong before. I thought Metroid Prime would just be another FPS in a sea of them that would destroy Metroid as I knew it. However, it was extremely fun, and I loved the sequel. Hell, I was even skeptical of Pokemon before I tried it and became addicted. So like so many things, words or seeing someone else using it will not convince me fully one way or the other on this controller. I'll have to use it myself when it comes out in a store demo or something.
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Friday, August 26th, 2005
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Well, it has been awhile, and for once I have a worthwhile update. I have been living a bit healthier lately. First and foremost, I'm down to about one cola a day. Compared to the six or seven per day I've BEEN having, this is a major improvement. I've also ceased my carnivorous ways and gone to eating a bit healthier. Aside from this, I've been doing a bit of self therapy to improve my self esteem. As such, I have become better at letting family issues roll off my back. By no means am I in perfect health, and I've been told I do have some issues to watch for due to my father's side of the family. However, it's at least a vast improvement over what I have been doing, so I'm a happy dragon.
Aside from that, I've mostly been playing an old game I enjoyed with some friends from college, Dynasty Warriors 3. Further enjoyment came in the form of a friend giving me the expansion disc as a gift. I also got a rather cute dragon pin from him, a very nice gift indeed ^_^ The expansion added a lot of things that I never got to try, such as story modes for characters that didn't have them before, and very difficult items to acquire, much fun for a challenge loving, collection obsessive dragon such as myself ^_^
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Well, here we are, it's Fathers Day. Even before this year, it was never particularly something I anticipated. The day was always just another reminder of my rather less-than-desirable father. To those who don't know, my father would never have approved of many things in my life. Among those things would be the fact that I don't blindly support Bush, have no interest in the military, went into programming games, follow my passion for artwork, became a furry, and prefer going by my nickname. There are probably other things, but the previous list should be enough. I never really got along with him. My mum tells me there were good times, but the bad times so far outnumber them that they're all I can remember. As such, Fathers Day has never really been a day of honor for me, but more a grim reminder.
Now, cut to this year, and the fact that I have even less to respect him for. My father always built up both my name and the military together. I was named for his brother, Ronald. He said the original Ronald was a war hero who died in battle. He constantly tried to build me up into this role, including expecting me to actually be excited to sign up for selective service. Being molded into something I'm not is bad enough. I had always been under the assumption that he was trying to ressurect his brother in me. However, as I found out this year, not only was I being molded into something I wasn't, but something my namesake wasn't either. This year, I found out that the fact that I was named for my father's dead brother was about as far as the truth went. My true namesake never got through high school, couldn't get a job beyond working for McDonalds, and shot himself in the parking lot there over the fact that he didn't get straight A's on his report card. Thus, not only did he take the coward's way out, but over something really petty and stupid. This is the person with whom I'm supposed to feel honored to share my name.
My mum says she has told me all this before, but even with as bad as my memory can be, I'm fairly certain I would have remembered as big a detail as that. Regardless, however, that isn't even the main issue. The true problem here is that my father completely misled me, lying to me to make me feel even some spark of respect for someone I never knew, and for whom it turns out no respect is deserved. I have felt suicidal before. Sometimes I get severely depressed in my life, and honestly find myself considering the option. I always turn away and busy myself to distract my mind, but if I ever took my own life, I wouldn't expect anyone to respect me for it. The fact that my father never told me the truth is something I can never forgive. I really don't much care what anyone thinks about it, but once I am able to get out and support myself, I am seriously going to look into legally changing my name.
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Lots of people are up in arms over the death of the pope. I am not one of them, yet people seem to expect me to be upset by it, despite the fact that I don't practice any religion, much less catholocism. I can admit to the fact that death sucks, no matter who it is. The fact that it was the pope doesn't make it any more special to me. Admittedly, I also can't feel that sorry for someone who spreads messages of hatred and intolerance while pretending to be a wonderful, good person. To treat a fellow human being as less than human merely because their lifestyle doesn't fully agree with your opinions is not right in the first place, and to attempt to justify it by doing it in the name of a god that has no scientific backing to prove his existance is even worse. Still, at the core of the situation is that someone died. Yes, I can admit that sucks, and I'm not saying those who followed and loved him don't have a right to grieve. What I am saying is don't expect me to drop everything I'm doing and randomly post on boards that have nothing to do with the subject to spread the word of his passing, and don't expect me to do nothing for seven days to mourn his death. I didn't break down over 9-11, and I'm actually from the US. Bad things happen, it is part of life, we move on.
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Saturday, March 19th, 2005
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There is a theory that basically goes like this. Say you have a limited space, and start adding rats. Eventually, you will reach a point of critical mass with the rat population, where adding just one more rat will cause the population to decline as there are too many rats and too few resources.
Lately I keep feeling more and more like I'm that one last rat around here.
We live in a fairly small house, and there are six of us. I also have the misfortune of being the biggest person in the family. Thus, it's a no-win situation for me.
I get annoyed by feeling like I'm in the way, so I try to stay in my room as much as possible. That's where most of my life is anyway, my computer, video games, and art supplies are all in here. If I stay in too much though, I have to hear complaints about how lazy I am, or how no one ever sees me. On the other hand, if I venture out, I have to constantly put up with annoyed sighs and people acting like I need a mile of space on all sides to get by.
More and more, I just feel like no one wants me around. Two such instances have occured in the last hour. First, it was my mum. Remember how I "blew her off" to watch my show in an earlier post? Well, now it was her turn. I went in to talk to her, and she got annoyed because she was trying to record Cops. Of course, it's fine for her to do that, just not me. Then I went to get a drink. I put a couple of cubes of ice in my mug, as I like to have a little ice with my coke. I then here an irritated clearing of a throat behind me. It's my cousin, shoving his mug in my face, expecting me to get the ice for him. Now, I don't feel like standing there for upwards of ten minutes, as I already have my ice, just want to get my cola, and he is perfectly capable of getting his own ice. He, unlike me, seems to like having a little coke with his ice. He seriously fits enough in that mug to sink the Titanic. So I get my two cubes and get out of the way. He then gives an irritated huff as he has to get his own ice, oh what a painful chore.
In addition to all this, my uncle seems to almost constantly be in a bad mood with me if I dare to go in the kitchen to get dinner while he decides dishes just have to be washed before everyone else has even had a chance to eat, and the dishwasher and sink are not that close to the oven anyway, but still, I'm an evil bastard for wanting to eat.
Sooooooo yeah. Not having fun right now. The more I feel like they don't want me around, the less I want to be around them. I'm still holding out hope that sometime in the future I can get out of here and move in with my old friend from school. He did say it would be cool to do that, though neither of us can really afford to do that at the moment, as we're both pretty much still looking for work. Ah well. Here's to the future.
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Normally, I'm not one to talk about religion. It isn't a comfortable subject with me, and I had a falling out with it quite some time ago. However, I saw this quiz online and decided to take it. The results were interesting to say the least.
 | You scored as Satanism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Satanism! Before you scream, do a bit of research on it. To be a Satanist, you don't actually have to believe in Satan. Satanism generally focuses upon the spiritual advancement of the self, rather than upon submission to a deity or a set of moral codes. Do some research if you immediately think of the satanic cult stereotype. Your beliefs may also resemble those of earth-based religions such as paganism.
Satanism | | 100% | Buddhism | | 92% | paganism | | 83% | agnosticism | | 79% | Islam | | 67% | atheism | | 67% | Hinduism | | 46% | Judaism | | 25% | Christianity | | 21% | </td>
Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com |
So according to my results, I'm a satanist. An odd, unexpected result. I naturally figured my ratings for agnosticism would be high, and there was no rating for how I truly consider myself, a deist. It was interesting that buddhism ranked so high, as I feel that if I had to pick a recognized religion, that would probably be the one. It seems more peaceful than others, and I've never heard of a buddhist war. Not to say there wasn't one, but I've never heard of one. Naturally, I also expected my rating for Christianity to be rock bottom, as it is one of the most hypocritical religions around in my eye. I'm not saying that everyone who practices a christian religion is wrong, or is a detestible annoyance, it is just unfortunate for them that the vast majority of the more well known and outspoken advocates of christianity, i.e. Jerry Falwell, are total morons. From their descriptions of the religions though, these results do seem right for me. I do advocate the self over some unseen deity, taking responsibility for your own actions rather than pulling out the "it's god's will" card. I also feel my greatest spiritual connections with nature, which seems to be why Paganism rated so high as well.
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Saturday, February 19th, 2005
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My mum has two major talents, I've found.
First and foremost, she is an extremely talented artist. Drawings, paintings, carvings, she can do it all. Her work never ceases to amaze me. She takes commissions on carving small carousel horses.
Second, she is talented at driving me absolutely batty.
This whole situation started earlier today. I was watching a show on TV, a regular pattern for me. Yes, I love animation, and I watch Saturday morning cartoons. So sue me. Anyway, I was watching them when my mum's dog started having a panic attack. My uncle tried to calm him down while I ran out to get my mum. She came in, went to get the dog some medicine and calm him down. With nothing else I could do, I went back to watching my shows. A little while later, she came in to tell me that the dog was okay. Case closed, right? Wrong. I was working on my computer at the time, making progress on my upcoming webcomic. She came over to see how it was going. Then came the phrase that started the whole snowball :
"I know I've told you this before and you weren't interested, but I really think you could make money off this."
Now, as she herself said, we have been down this road before. Multiple times, in fact. It's why I tend to not show her my artwork anymore if I can help it, this is where the conversation always goes. She figures that, since we're both talented at art and she makes money off hers, I should do the same. However, that isn't what I want to do.
For me, my art is a relaxation tool. She claims hers is too, but from what I've seen, that's bull. She comes in every day, complaining about being tired and sore, and has no energy to do anything else but veg out on the couch for the rest of the day, watch movies, and fall asleep by nine in the evening. I know she likes it, yes, and she has a good time with it, but for her to react that way, it can't be all that relaxing.
I also don't want to put a bunch of stringent deadlines on myself by taking commissions. If that works for her and she likes doing it, bully for her, I'm happy she enjoys it. However, that is not what I want to do. I don't want to turn what I WANT to do into what I HAVE to do. She claims doing that won't ruin my enjoyment of drawing, just because it hasn't ruined her enjoyment of carving. She seems a bit remiss on the fact that we're two different people, and what works for one person doesn't work for everyone. I've tried to draw before when I didn't feel like it, just to try to meet a deadline. The results absolutely sucked, and I had no fun doing it. These have been isolated incidents. However, I do not always feel like working on art. I can't imagine how bad it would get if I HAD to work on art all the time. I frankly think I would get sick of it and never want to pick up a pencil again.
I had a discussion recently with a friend on the aspects of artistic fields. There are some things there my mum doesn't seem to get. In the art world, there is not black and white fact. All art is opinion. In that respect, how one person does art isn't going to work for everyone else. How my mum and I work are just two different things, but she doesn't see this. She claims she (repeatedly) mentions her way of things to put it out there as a possibility for me. One would think telling her several times before that I wasn't interested in doing things her way would be a clue that I WASN'T INTERESTED IN DOING THINGS HER WAY.
Back to the original point, I know this can get into a long drawn-out conversation, and I was trying to watch a show with a somewhat convoluted plot, so I was hoping to end things quickly by just saying I didn't want to get into selling my work and such. Was she willing to let it drop? No, of course not. So she continued, I just said "okay," listening to the points that I had listened to often before. As she was already heading out, I just mentioned that I was sorry, was just trying to watch my show.
Fast forward to later today. Mum was being rather touchy, but when my aunt and I tried to ask what was bothering her, she said "nothing." I got her alone later and asked. "Well, I was kind of upset that you blew me off earlier." Here we go. So I apologized for that, told her I was free to listen to her now, nothing else was going on. Now, to me, the fact that she continuously brings up the fact that I could make money off this, that would seem to indicate that she's pestering me about finding work. However, she claims this isn't the case and she's just trying to get me to see that I can enjoy something and make money off of it too. I agree. However, artwork isn't the field I want to do that with. Anyone who has been following my LJ knows that what I ultimately want to do for a living is program and design video games. There's just nowhere around here that I can do that. Why don't I want to do the same with my artwork? Because artwork is relaxing for me. I don't want to turn my form of relaxation into a world of deadlines and specific demands. Programming, on the other hand, is not something that has ever struck me as relaxing. Fun, yes, relaxing, no. Deadlines there are just part of it. I've always known that. Coding is not as free-form as art, and is more something I don't mind having deadlines on.
I told her all of this. However, somewhere there is some mental block within her that filters through all of this and makes it come out like I'm insulting her and saying she's impure for accepting money for her art. That's utter bull. I never said such a thing, I never meant such a thing. She claims she's not mad at me, but I can tell she's upset with me about it and will continue to be. Pretty much the only way to diffuse it would be to welcome her way of things with open arms and accept it as my own, but I'm not going to do that. She'll get over it eventually, hopefully, and maybe learn that, hey, we're two different people and I have my own way of doing things.
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Wednesday, November 10th, 2004
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Okay, I've been putting this one off for a wee bit, because I've really been too pissed to post. So let's get the election crap out of the way, hm? Bush won. Not by appointment this time, but by actual votes. Everyone together now, WTF! Had I the money, I'd be seriously looking into leaving the country about now to get away from a population majority that voted that moron back into office. Alas, I do not, so not only am I stuck in the US, I'm stuck in the state that produced this bigot. Yes, he's already turning his attention back to the world crisis of same gender relationships. How can he actually, seriously try to ban people who really love each other and have been together for years from marrying, claiming to protect it for people who use it so frivolously, divorcing after like three days? And above all, how can he not call that discrimination? He's said some stupid things in his original four years, and I'm sure he'll find ways to top himself in the four years to come, but that is one thing that really, seriously pisses me off. A country founded on freedom of religion, and he tries to sign religion and discrimination into the constitution not once, but twice now. As a Texan, I knew voting for Kerry wouldn't have any results. I'm sure the majority of people here voted for him just because he was from Texas.
Okay, I'm going to stop talking about him now because it's getting me way too pissed off, and that's not good for me. Onto lighter things, I have lately become rather addicted to the game Animal Crossing. Yeah, it's old, but I've only just gotten around to playing it. It's a fun game, goes with my much loved theme of collection, I quite like it.
My long-time friend is graduating college this December. At least, I think he is, I alas haven't heard from him in awhile, last I heard from him, his computer was on the fritz, so e-mailing him hasn't gotten a response lately. I'm hoping I can go up there for awhile to see his graduation and party with him and his family.
A few days ago, I went to Houston with my mum and uncle to watch a comedy performance by three of the comics from the third season of Last Comic Standing : Alonso Bodden, Gary Gulman, and Jay London, the main reason we went. Happily, the entire group was hillarious. I especially loved Gary's rant on the evils of grapefruit, a fruit I have always expected of being evil.
That's pretty much it, really. Hoping I can get work starting January so I can start saving up to move, pay off debts, get a car, etc.
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roahm's journal
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